Best Parenting Qualities: The adventure of getting lost with your kids.

Every year for Thanksgiving my family visits extended family in Northern California. On our way up there, we were driving in the middle of nowhere, on a two lane highway, stuck in horrendous traffic. There was an accident that left miles of cars at a standstill, and it appeared as if we were going to be stuck for hours. We had already been driving for four hours, and everyone was a little antsy. Luckily we were right next to an off ramp. I asked my wife and kids if we should get off and try to find another way. To my amazement they all said yes, and so off we went. If I would have known what was about to transpire, I would have done this years ago!

Before we knew it, the roads ended and the dirt trails going through fields and orchards began. We could no longer see the freeway, but we knew the general direction we were suppose to go. With every fork in the road we had to make decisions of which way to turn. At first they were calculated guesstimates that kept us going in a direction we felt we needed to go. I would often ask my kids, which way do you think we should go? Together as a family we would decide, and then go. The more we drove, the less this became about getting back to the proper path, and the more it became an adventure to enjoy. As I drove faster on these dirt roads, the kids started shouting out directions, and the laughter, excitement, and nervousness filled the car. At one point I knew we were lost, there were no signs, no roads, no people, and we were in the middle of an orchard with nothing around for miles, and the whole family was having fun and working together.

To this day my kids tell their favorite story of the time we got lost on the way to Thanksgiving, and they still laugh when they tell it. It also taught me a valuable lesson about parenting. I learned the importance of giving our kids the space to lead the parents by making decisions where they can fail, get lost, and work together as a family. This models just how much you trust them, how to give up control and empower others, and that they can survive and overcome anything because they have the support of their family.    

We eventually found our way back to the highway. As we drove along the two lane road, all four of us were looking at the orchards to our left, knowing how much more fun it was just on the other side of that chain link fence.

For more reading on this check out Let’s Get Lost by Megan McBride.

Feel free to contact me if you want to develop more of these types of parenting qualities, by clicking here.

Dustin Shultz, LMFT. I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, speaker, and adjunct faculty at Azusa Pacific University. I have experience working with teens, men, women, and couples, and have had success with people who are experiencing depression, anxiety, trauma, sexuality, divorce, affairs, cutting, grief, shame, stress, and life transitions. I help people live more authentically and embrace life.